Unexpected

The past week has really been very trying. I was close to tears at some points. Tears of frustration and fear. Tears of anxiety and stress. Tears of loneliness.

I'm not physically lonely. That kind of loneliness is never a problem for me. But I have identified a different kind of loneliness. It happens when nobody in the world understands you. Friends and family can merely symphatize but they can't emphatize. Nobody understands exactly what you are feeling. And there's no running away from the fact that I have got to face this alone.

It was a very discouraging week as everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong, and I have created alot of mess at work. Thank goodness I am working in a company where RM10 million doesn't really matter to them.

The encouragement came from two Christian colleagues who asked a simple 'How are you?' at random times of the day and was concerned enough to give me a call to find out that I was ok. One even searched Biblegateway.com to quote me a couple of verses from James in that instant. I guess I was very touched that these people whom I barely knew were concerned enough to care. Unexpected.

Our 'how are you?s' and prayers go a long way.
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I am phlegmatic I think. Hence it matters to me that I am at peace with everyone and that I don't cause anyone unrest or any sort of disappointment as much as I can help it. I love to be able to make one smile or cheer another up. I thought I have that gift. However, on the flip side, being this phlegmatic person I am also creates a kind of fear to displease or anger. And therefore, I will try my best to accomodate and please. At my expense.

You know how some will say "as long as you have done your best...."? One lesson I learnt over the past couple of weeks is that no matter how hard you try, it's plain truth that it may not be good enough. It's like no matter how hard we try not to sin, it's the plain truth that we still can't get to heaven on our own. And yup, no matter how hard I try, it may not be good enough.

Anyway, life is not all about me. Indeed giving is more blessed than receiving. A little care and concern goes a long, long way.